


The Gift of Love

by Mysticmcknight



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-11-05
Updated: 2007-11-05
Packaged: 2017-12-09 09:48:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/772811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mysticmcknight/pseuds/Mysticmcknight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chakotay learns what the ultimate gift of love can be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

I sit here dazed and confused, truly unsure how this all came about, but I do know one thing, it’s all my fault. I’m sitting in the Kallation’s court room about to have sentence passed on me all because I didn’t listen to Chakotay when he told me to not go off from the landing party. 

It started a week ago, we just arrived in a new section of space and we made contact with the Kallation council, the ruling government of the nearest warp drive capable populous. We needed supplies and they were willing to negotiate. They even extended shore leave to our crew, and of course the Commander and the Captain wanted a small party to check things out, get to know the laws and customs to avoid trouble. 

Leave it to me, Thomas Eugene Pairs to find trouble first hand. We were passing through one of the local markets and I saw this beautiful sculpture, funny I can’t remember of what now, but I do remember asking Chakotay if we could check it out, he ordered us to stick together. Of course, since the market was crowded, I thought I could slip off and return without him even noticing…big mistake. 

I must have said something wrong, that’s nothing new, but it ended in a brawl and me being arrested. Of course, leave it to me not to get into a typical fight, no, I had to haul off and hit the Prime minister’s son who went flying back and fell into to his expecting wife…heavens! I’d never harm someone who wasn’t trying to harm me first much less an expecting woman, but the result was the baby was born premature and in poor health condition. 

Thankfully our medical technology was able to make sure the little girl was going to be just fine, but I was now up on serious charges of attempt of murder. For in this culture that was exactly how they saw it. I explained that her being injured was purely an accident that her husband hit me first, but that didn’t matter. Oh, the Prime minister’s son wasn’t let off by no means, he was sentenced to one year in prison for endangering his child’s life, with early release for good behavior. Damn, are they strict. 

Me…if I’m found guilty, I’ll be sentenced to death. They take crimes like this very seriously, that’s why their crime rate is very minimal. The Captain has done all she can and has all available personnel on the case, learning the laws as fast as they can to see if they can’t come to some other means of justice. I know a part of the Captain wants to kidnap me and run off, I see it in her eyes when she comes to visit; but how would that make us look?

I’ve been allowed a few visitors, and besides, the Captain, only Harry and B’Elanna have come to see me. Funny, as I sat in the prison cell, all I could think about was how I wanted to apologize to Chakotay. I know we haven’t had the best of relationships, hell, the fact he hasn’t wanted to kill me for over three months is a vast improvement, but still…I know him. I know he’s taking this all personal somehow, that he let me down, when in truth I let him down. 

Well, I did ask the Captain to give him my apologies, but the Commander still didn’t come see me, not that I expected him too, just…well, never mind. Now the moment has arrived and the judge has arrived to pass sentence…there is little in the way of trial here, you’re guilty unless proven innocent on this world, and I was far from innocent long before I ever came to this planet. 

I did see Chakotay sitting next to the Captain, wearing his famous stoic look, his dark eyes straight ahead, as if I don’t exist, and for that moment I wish I didn’t. I also see the pained expressions on my friend’s faces as well as in the Captain’s eyes. Only Tuvok seems unfazed, unless you knew him, which I did, and he doesn’t look to hopeful either. 

“Unless there is any new evidence to this case, sentencing shall proceed,” the judge stated, while looking over the crowd that gathered to witness the alien trial. 

“There is, your honor,” Chakotay stood up and stated, to the surprise of everyone, including Janeway. 

“Commander, what are you doing?” she hissed with concern. 

“What’s right in accordance to the law,” he stated flatly. Then he looked to the judge, “May I approach and give testimony, your honor?”

The judge took a moment to size the human before him, “Will this truly change the outcome of this proceeding?” he asked. 

“I believe it will, your honor,” Chakotay stated. 

“Very well, you may approach.” 

Chakotay moved passed the guards and the defendant’s table without a look in Tom’s direction as he moved up to speak with the judge. Everyone sat in silent wonder as to what the Commander was saying to the judge, even more so when the prosecutor was called up to join in the privileged conversation. 

“That is the law,” the Judge said as he sat back in his chair. “So be it.” Then he looked to face the crowd, “in accordance to our law, those under subordinate status are not liable for their actions but their current superior.” Then he looked at Tom, “In this case Lieutenant Paris, you were under Commander Chakotay’s authority and thus constituted as a subordinate. Your superior has come forth to claim his rightful responsibility.” 

“No!” Tom shouted as he stood up in shock, to think Chakotay would take his place in this mater was unheard of. 

“Commander Chakotay is under my authority,” Janeway stated immediately. 

“I’m sorry, Kathryn, but not in accordance with Kallation law. I was in charge of the landing party, thus I am the authorized superior,” Chakotay stated as he was being placed in handcuffs. 

“Stop! I was the one who hit the guy! You can’t do this,” Tom insisted as he tried to make his way around the table to Chakotay. 

“Tom, please,” Chakotay, said in a calm voice that froze the young pilot in his steps inches from him. Then he leaned in and whispered something in Tom’s ear before he was taken away. 

“Under the new circumstances, sentencing of the prisoner will take place tomorrow, same time. This court is adjourned.” The judge said and he left the room, leaving a very surprised and stunned audience. 

“Tom?” 

It took a few minutes to register that Janeway was next to him, her hand on his shoulder, he was free to go. He turned and looked at her stunned, his eyes full of tears, he didn’t care what anyone thought, “This isn’t right,” he whispered to her. 

“I…I don’t know what’s going on, Tom. But I promise to get to the bottom of it, some how,” she said, not quiet as convinced of her own words. 

Tom then just turned to stare at the door that lead to the hall that lead to the cell he had been in, knowing Chakotay would be in that cell now, because of him. His mind kept replaying the last words Chakotay had said to him…{“you’re worth it, Tom.”} Worth it? Tom felt anything but worthy of Chakotay’s sacrifice. He was so deep in thought that he didn’t even realize until a minute ago that he was back on Voyager in the transporter room. 

 

*****************

Chakotay sat in the cell that once occupied the young pilot he felt so much for. He knew on some level he’d do the same thing if it had been anyone else under his command, but it was Tom, and though he could never tell the young man how he felt, he could do this for him. He could give Tom his life, for in Chakotay’s eye’s Tom was worth it, for he had so much to offer, if only the young man realized it. 

Stripped of his uniform and given a black prison jumpsuit, Chakotay tried to meditate, to relax, he had resolved himself to his fate before even beaming down to the planet for Tom’s sentencing. His mind went over regrets, and thoughts of what could be done to elevate them in the precious time he had left, for he was sure that he would be sentenced to death in Tom’s place. 

He had thought about leaving a letter for Tom, explaining things, letting him know just how much he really cared for the young man, but since he wasn’t going to be around, and knowing how sensitive Tom really was, after finally seeing beyond the mask, it would only hurt the young man more. He did make sure his will was in orderly fashion and it was part of his final wish that no one, especially anyone in the Maquis blame Tom for what happened. 

Feeling he had said all he wanted in his letters to everyone, and had things settled with his will, he had requested not to see anyone, his right as a prisoner. He couldn’t take seeing anyone’s face right now, especially Tom’s. Though it may not be long, he had made sure that he had etched in his mind ever beautiful detail of Tom’s face, he couldn’t bear to see it angry or sad, or anguished. He meant what he said, Tom was worth everything, but Chakotay couldn’t bear seeing him, even one last time, if he was to keep control of his emotions as he faced his final journey. 

“Are you sure you don’t want any visitors?” a guard’s voice echoed throughout his cell. 

“I’m sure,” Chakotay replied, his eyes still closed as he tried to continue his focus to meditate. 

“Well, I was asked to ask you again, for the office is being clamored, if you know what I mean,” The young guard said, but noticed that Chakotay had tuned him out, so he shrugged and walked away to let the office know that the prisoner had not changed his mind. 

 

***************

The next day, same time as the day before, it was Chakotay that was sitting in the same chair that Tom had sat only the day before. Tom sat silently next to the Captain, he didn’t need anyone to make him feel guilty, he was doing a great job all on his own. He was in the ready room when Tuvok informed the Captain that the Commander had finalized all his personal affairs after discovering the law that would shift the blame from Tom to himself. 

Tom had gone with the Captain in hopes of seeing Chakotay, but they were told that it was the prisoner that refused visitors and it was his right to do so. He was up all night just like the rest of the bridge crew, trying to find someway to stop this madness, or for Tom at the very least, get the charges back to where they belonged, himself. 

Nothing they tried seemed to help, and Tom felt that their pleas were falling on deaf ears. Tom had actually suggested in the ready room that they should take the Commander and run. It was one thing for him to face the penalty of this world, not Chakotay. Even though everyone had entertained the idea, for a very long time, they knew it wouldn’t be what Chakotay would want or would forgive. He was a man of honor and preferred to die that way. 

Tom was pale, just like everyone else that was allowed to attend the sentencing of the Commander. He felt his heart ache and his soul shrivel up when he saw Chakotay being led in the room, just like he was the day before, dressed like a common prisoner and in handcuffs. Tom couldn’t help but admire the older man, for even under such certain outcome, he maintained an inner calm that was all Chakotay. It was then that Tom knew that he would always love the older man, and why no one else could touch his heart, he had lost it long ago, but just wasn’t able to admit it. Now…it was too late. 

The Judge entered in and took his seat. He called the court to order and proceeded like he did the day before. 

“Unless there is any new evidence to this case, sentencing shall proceed,” the Judge said, looking over the audience once more, but no one spoke up. 

“Commander Chakotay, your case has kept me up all night. Between the pleas of your people, and those of my own, I find that you have developed a rather strong following. For you see, we hold honorable actions in high esteem. It is based on the fact that you could have easily kept silent but chose to step forward once you knew the law, that I will waive the penalty of death in your case,” the Judge stated, a sense of relief in his voice. 

A small cheer came, but not from anyone on Voyager, but the Kallations that were in the audience. The crew kept silent, for they could still see that there was more to be said, and their Commander’s fate still undetermined. 

“After long deliberation, it is hereby decided that you will serve three years prison time, with possible early release with good behavior. This case is adjourned,” he said and the room echoed with the sound of wood hitting wood, sealing Commander Chakotay’s fate for good. 

 

***************

 

This wasn’t what he had anticipated. Chakotay knew that in their own way, the Kallations were trying to be merciful to his case, but they didn’t understand. In death he could have moved on, this way, he’d be trapped to live out his existence alone. //Perhaps there is a reason that I just can’t see,// he told himself, trying to find the strength to meet each morning, one day at a time. 

By law, new prisoners were not allowed visitors for one month per a year of their sentence, life or death being an exception, so being he was sentenced to three years, he was told three months would go by before being allowed any visitors. He didn’t care, really, no one would be coming this he knew, for he was sure Kathryn would have kept his request and keep heading for home. But he was now sad that he didn’t say one last good bye to Kathryn, and yes, even Tom. He was going to miss the young man, but his beautiful face had stayed with him all this time. 

Though life in prison was rougher than he first expected it to be, he soon found a routine he could handle and after enough ‘secret’ brawls, got the other prisoners to leave him alone, even a touch of respect was given. He started his day with morning mediation and stretching, then headed to whatever work assignment he was given for the day. He chose to have little free time, so it was night by the time he returned to his cell, where he would repeat the mediation and exercise to keep in shape, and make sure he was tired so he could sleep. 

This had been his routine for the last three months, so when he was told that today he was not only granted visitation rights, but he had a visitor, Chakotay was full of curiosity at who it possibly could be. Only for a brief second did he allow himself to think that Kathryn would have stayed that long, but then he knew better. Then he surmised it was his representative, giving him an update on his situation. 

Nothing could have prepared him for the site that greeted him. He moved and sat down at the visitor window that separated prisoners and civilians and stared. Dressed in Kallation civilian cloths was Tom Paris. 

“Tom?” he asked, stunned beyond belief. 

“Hello, Chakotay,” Tom smiled, his blue eyes dancing warmly. 

“Tom…how…what…” 

Tom looked down, not sure how Chakotay would take what he had to say, “I…I couldn’t let you stay here all by yourself,” he said softly. “They had to move on…I…I decided to stay.” 

Tom of course didn’t want to discuss this yet, so changed the subject. “I’ve got great news,” he quipped. “I’ve talked to a lot of officials, and since you’ve been the model prisoner, and since I’m here, I’ve agreed to pay restitution, they’ll commute you sentence down to 18 months, that’s including the three you already served. I just got the word this morning,” he smiled. 

“Tom…you should have gone,” Chakotay said softly. 

Tom felt a wave of anger run through him. Here he stayed behind, got a job and was working his butt off to help cut this man’s sentence down, and all he had to say was he should have gone? But he took a few deep breaths and one good look into the sweet caring brown eyes staring at him, he understood where Chakotay was coming from and the anger left him. “I couldn’t,” he said. “And now it doesn’t matter,” he quipped as to say its old news, time to move on. 

Chakotay felt a mixture of emotions, a bit of anger and sadness that Tom would sacrifice home to stay for him, but joy and touched that Tom would sacrifice home to stay…for him. “Why?” was all he could say at this point. 

Tom looked up and for once could read all the emotions in the older man’s face as clear as day. He gave a small smile, “because you’re worth it.”

 

TBC


	2. Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chakotay learns what the ultimate gift of love can be even more.

As strange as it seems for a man in prison, forever denied a way home, and stuck on an alien planet, I couldn’t be happier. Well, perhaps a bit…but I wouldn’t dare push my luck. Having being sentenced originally to three years in prison, to find after three months that even though Voyager had continued its journey, the man I love, even if he is as straight as an arrow – sexually, stayed behind. 

I know he did it because he felt guilty that I chose to take his place, not that I gave him any say, but he had to have it anyway, by choosing to stay with me. To top it off, Tom even got my sentence commuted down to 18 months. It turns out that when Tom chose to stay, much to Kathryn’s disapproval, the first thing he did was go see my representative. From what Tom has told me, Hardesen, is a good man, for he informed Tom that if he aided in paying the state for my keep, they would reduce my sentence. The man also gave Tom a part time internship in exchange for room and board. So now, Tom works all sort of odd jobs during the day and for Hardesen at night…poor thing is exhausted. 

I should feel guilty, but I can’t. Tom is amazing. Normal visiting privileges are once a week, but leave it to Tom Paris to make things work his way. No one was more surprised than me to find out I had another visitor…Tom, the next day. Tom then told me that during his three months of pre-lawyership, he discovered that if prisoners were denied privileges due to misunderstandings, like a change in time to be serve, that they had to be made up to the satisfaction of the representative. Tom told me he had to talk with the judge a few times, which means, knowing Tom, he pestered the poor guy every day. The result, Tom could visit me everyday for the next 18 months if he wants too. This of course meant that the Judge wanted to make sure he never had to lay eyes on Tom ever again…his loss, for I can’t get tired of that face…ever. 

That was six months ago. I count every second of the day until I can spend that hour with him, and every second at night until the next day. He's always there, and no matter how tired he looks, his eyes are always filled with warmth, and I think…some love. I know, it’s silly of me, but if you could have monitored our conversations over the months, they first were Lieutenant to Commander, then Paris to Chakotay, to Tom and Cha, and as of the last week I took notice I started calling him Pooka and him calling me babe, I could scream…for joy of course. I so love that man. I know this doesn’t sound like the all-calm Commander, but who ever took the time to look inside, besides Tom as of late? If they did, then they’d know this is very much me…I just hide it well. 

Plus, for the last three months when we sit and talk, that stupid glass between us…oh how I wish I could just touch his hand…his fingers; but the glass is there and I noticed that we have gotten use to sitting there with my left hand pressed against the glass with his resting equally on the otherside. He’s so wonderful, but getting a bit thin for my liking. He works all day, travels all the way out here to the prison, a forty-five minute ride one way, to spend an hour with me and repeat it to go home, and work for Hardesen. 

I tried to tell him he should not come once…the devastation in his eyes made me regret even the suggestion. I told him it was not because I didn’t want to see him, but because he looked so tired. This helped, and the devastation was gone from his eyes, but Tom just brushed the idea aside. Thinking about it now, I should have been more insistent, I wouldn’t be so worried now.

You see, Tom hasn’t come today, and soon visiting hours will be over, any minute now. I fear Tom may have pushed himself too hard and got sick or worse hurt. I’d like to think if something was wrong Hardesen will look after him and let me know, but… Shit! Visiting hours is now over and Tom didn’t show. I kick myself as I get up and get ready to walk back to the main area, I feel…disappointed that he didn’t show, but I can’t help it. He’s been my light, my saving grace in this hell, and not seeing him, beside bringing me worry, makes my soul ache. 

I’m walking across the crosswalk that leads from the visiting center to the prison; it’s secure, but open, so when I think I hear something, I stop. Thankfully the guard is nice and doesn’t do anything other then tells me to get moving. I was just about to when I heard it…Tom’s voice. I look out and see down below a silhouette that looks like him. He’s yelling…sorry. I smile ear to ear…he came! I try to yell its okay, but I don’t know if he can hear me, so I wave, but then the guard gives me a physical reminder to get moving and I have to go, but Tom came. 

I of course go report to where I’m suppose to be today. My mind whirling a million miles a second, glad that Tom is okay and that he came, but knowing he’ll be upset…Tom’s the sensitive type, no matter how smart ass he comes off. It then occurs to me, some of the others have mentioned that if you have enough privilege points, something you get from extra work, good behavior, and things like that, you can send out communiqués. After I’m done here I’m going to see if I have any, and if I’m lucky, enough to send Tom a note to let him know all is okay. 

 

****************

Damn it! It’s my own fault! Chakotay had mentioned that I was overdoing it, but…damn! I overslept this morning and was late to the current job I have, shoveling fish guts…yuck! But it’s a fair paying job and they let me do it, so I can’t really complain. But late to work meant late getting off, which meant late getting to the prison…I just missed, seeing him. Well I sort of saw him, he waved, but it’s not the same. 

Ever since I got that damn judge to ‘give in’ and let me visit Chakotay more, all I want really, was because he was fed up with me hounding him or the promise I would, every free minute I had. I think he saw best to keep me busy with seeing Chakotay than him…smart man, for I’ve done just that. Everyday, almost like clockwork. The hour may be earlier or later, but until today I never missed a day where I could look into those deep dark eyes. 

Again, it’s my own fault. I work from sun up to late noon, I always make sure I have time to see Cha, I usually don’t blow it, like today. But, at night, between keeping Hardesen’s books, I’ve been reading them too. First to see if I could commute Cha’s sentence even more, but seeing I got the best deal I was going to get him, I moved on to the next thing…getting closer. 

I know, he’s straight, but, I don’t care, I don’t think he even cares anymore. When he started calling me Pooka last week, my heart and soul became all a flame. When I slipped and called him babe, he smiled that two dimple one that melts my soul and hardens my groin. Plus, even just to touch his hand, I know he would like that too, for I can’t be reading all the signs wrong, he sits everyday with his hand pressed to the glass and I press back, knowing that we are sharing something even if that damn glass is there. But I want more, but as I discovered last night, the only way would be if we were married, and that would entitle us to intimate visits. 

Damn, if I thought he would say yes, even if it was only to get close to play cards, hell I’d do it in a heartbeat. I know without a doubt how much I’m in love with him, and I vowed when I decided to stay behind, no matter how much protest I got, that I would find a way to make that man as happy as possible. I don’t ever want him to regret more than he may already does that he has to spend the rest of his life here. 

I tell myself over and over again on my way back to Hardesen’s place of business, where I have a room in the basement, that I’ll take advantage of this mishap and get some much needed rest so it doesn’t happen again. But I can’t help but feel like I let Chakotay down some how. I can see it in his eyes, he’s glad to see me, I mean I know it sounds crazy, but I would swear his eyes light up when he sees me. Things must be a lot worse in prison than he’s letting on, that he would consider me the highlight of his day, but I can’t complain. We’ve become so close over the last six months, that even if I do shovel fish guts to hauling fertilizer around, I couldn’t be more happier…well, perhaps more, but I’m not going to push my luck. 

By the time I get back to the city and run all of Hardesen’s errands that I do daily, It’s nearly dark. When I get in, I see that not only is there the typical meal his wife leaves for me, sweet woman and a great cook, but a package. Curiosity gets the better of me and I open it and see a cross between a sky blue stuffed teddy bear and a pig. It’s kind of cute and I smirk, so I take it out of the box and see a letter underneath it. I pull it out and it’s addressed to me…I open it…it’s from Chakotay!

In the letter he explains that prisoners can earn privilege points to send letters and if they have enough, even packages, but are limited to what they could send. He was surprised to see how many he had, and the Tuffy (the bear pig) was the only thing he thought I might like, besides roses, but he wanted to send something that would last. Then he tells me how he knew I’d be beating myself up over today and not too! That he knew I was doing more than my best, and he appreciated every bit of it. That he was proud of me and wanted me to know it. Then he said my visits were special to him, but he would never be angry if I couldn’t come, for he would rather me not come then something happen to me from overwork. I feel tears well up in my eyes, for I can feel how much he cares!

I don’t know if it was just habit, but I can’t make myself believe it, for the Tuffy has a heart shape stomach, and because he signed the card, Love Always, Chakotay. I cry with joy and hug that stupid lovely stuffed animal with all my heart…he loves me, I know it! That’s it! Tomorrow when I see him, I’m going to make the suggestion of marriage. Hell, maybe I’ll just propose! My heart is soaring and my mind is whirling and I so badly want to run back to that stupid prison and demand to see Cha, but I have to wait…and waiting has always been its own hell, tonight it will seem like an eternity. 

You want to hear pathetic, I named the stupid thing, little Cha’, and everything I’ve done tonight (well practically everything) I’ve done with it tucked under my arm, and yes, I plan on taking it to bed with me. It’s suddenly become the most precious thing in the universe, next to the real thing of course. I finished early, and force myself to bed…I won’t be late tomorrow and I will see Cha!

 

*******************

I’m nervous. When I found out that I could not only send Tom a letter but a package, since I earned so many points, turned out all that extra work I did just to keep busy has paid off big time in that department, that I was beside myself with choices. Most stuff was either too impersonal or for spouses, and don’t ask me, but that stupid blue thing just leaped out at me. It was the color of Tom’s eyes, and I couldn’t resist. Then I realized that after sending things on its way that I signed the card, love always, which is true, but I don’t know how Tom will react. So that’s why I’m nervous. 

I’m going to see him any second now, and I hope he isn’t upset or anything negative. I see him, spirits he looks good! He’s smiling, can’t be all that bad…unless he didn’t get it? I take a deep breath and sit down and smile, “Tom,” I say warmly. 

“Cha,” he says, grinning ear to ear and as usual places his hand to that damn glass, and I respond immediately in kind. 

“I got the package last night, thank you so much.” 

“You’re welcome, I…I wanted to let you know I understood about yesterday, I…I didn’t want you to beat yourself up over it.” 

Tom smiles again, “I was you know. But…that made me stop…” Tom stops and looks down, suddenly nervous. “Babe, can I ask you something without you getting upset at me?” 

Chakotay thinks the worst, but remains calm, “Anything, Pooka, you know that. I don’t think I could really be mad at you,” he smiles, “Not long any way,” he teases. 

Tom takes a deep breath and decides to go for broke; “Will you marry me?” 

Chakotay’s eyes go wide! He blinks twice and shakes his head, “Um, what did you say?” he asks, unsure if he heard right. 

Tom starts to sweat, “Cha, I love you, very much, and…well…” he was losing his nerve. 

“You love me?” 

“Yes,” Tom replied softly, shying his eyes down but smiling warmly, bashfully. 

“Oh Spirits, Tom! I love you too!” Chakotay’s confession is met with bright shining blue eyes that look absolutely aglow. 

“Does that mean you’ll marry me?” Tom asks hopefully. 

“Marriage? Tom are you sure, I’m in prison…we…I love you with all my heart and soul, but are you sure?” Chakotay stutters. 

“Babe, I love you just as much, and yes I’m sure. Plus, the reason I decided not to wait until after you’re out is purely selfish,” Tom states grinning.

“Selfish? You?”

Tom blushes, “Married couples are allowed intimate visits,” he whispers. 

Chakotay couldn’t help grinning himself. The though of touching Tom at all was appealing, but to be able to hold, kiss and make love to him…he felt the hardening already responding to the possibility. “If you’re selfish for wanting that, then so am I, Pooka. So am I,” he purrs. 

“So is that a yes?”

“Oh Spirits, Pooka, YES!” Chakotay shouts, receiving looks from some of the other prisoners and their visitors and the guards. “Yes, Tom Paris, I’d be honored to be your husband.” 

“I swear,” Tom states suddenly serious, “That you won’t regret it. I love you, Cha, and I promise to make you happy.” 

“Tom, I don’t think you can make me much more happier than I am this moment, but if anyone can, it would only be you, love. Only you.” 

“I’ll have to talk to a few people to arrange things…um, you mind a quick wedding?” 

Chakotay could see the impatience in his loves eyes, the desire to touch was just as strong in his own soul, “Not one bit. The sooner the better.” Then he leaned in closer; “I want to kiss you so badly right now.” 

Tom chuckles with a slight flush to his cheeks, “That’s nothing to what I want to do to you right now,’’ he whispered back. 

Chakotay sits back, “better stop, or I’ll never be able to walk back.” They both laugh. 

The rest of the hour was spent sharing feelings of love and impatience to their being together soon. 

 

**************

 

Chakotay was amazed but not surprised that Tom got everything arranged in just under four days, and didn’t miss one visit to do it either. Today, the two of them stood hand in hand, touching for the first time in almost a year, in front of the same judge that sentenced Chakotay. It seemed ironic somehow that the man who was responsible for his misery would now be responsible for his ultimate joy, sealing the bonds between him and Tom. 

Tom wore a simple blue silk shirt and white pants, and Chakotay…he had no choice, a black prison jumpsuit, which on him looked rather good. They exchanged vows, and rings, even if it wasn’t customary for the Kallations to do so, it was what they both wanted. Then the moment of truth…they said they do, and they were allowed to kiss, their first kiss ever would be the one that sealed them together on their wedding day. 

Tom felt strong arms embrace him and his body started to melt into them. Then he felt Chakotay’s warm breath as his lips closed in on his and when they touched, his soul exploded in passionate joy. What was to be a chaste kiss was deep, passionate, and loving, lasting a good ten minutes, to the displeasure of the judge. 

The Judge’s present was that the happy couple wouldn’t have to wait for their first ‘visit’, that they would be allowed to spend the night together in one of the private rooms downstairs in the visiting center, after Tom was searched of course. Then the couple would be allowed to meet personally once a week, Tom had no maneuvering room on this, and since he had so much to be grateful for, didn’t push his luck. 

Once in the room, the door locked, and the two were alone, they just stared at each other. Taking in the moment, trying to believe it was all-real, and get over the fact that they were both suddenly scared as hell. This would be their first time together and their honeymoon…talk about pressure. 

It was Tom that made the first move, by suddenly jumping into Chakotay’s arms and kissing him madly. The next thing Tom knew the hottest mouth and strongest hands in the universe were on his body ravishing him. His body responded to every touch, wanting more, oh so much more!

 

*************

Spirits, he’s so beautiful! His taste, his smell, the very feel of him is better than I could imagine, and believe me, I imagined often. I lean up for a moment and see him laying there, his face flushed, his sky blue eyes all a storm with love and desire, because of me, for me! Spirits I want him! 

Before I knew it I just ripped open his shirt to expose his chest. The gasp he makes startles me a bit and I hesitate, but when he looks at me so aroused and whispers “yes” I lose all control, I have to have him, NOW!

 

************

OH YES! I can feel how much he loves and wants me in every touch of his strong hands. I want to melt into him, take him inside me, whatever it takes to be one with him! Chakotay wants me…me! Then he stops and looks at me, his breathing labored like my own, his dark eyes now all black with desire staring at me…hungry and I’m thrilled to know I’m the main course. 

Suddenly he rips open my shirt. I see a wild streak I never knew was there, and I gasp, for I find I not only like the idea of it, but also suddenly crave it! I then see him hesitate, his eyes asking permission to lose control, to take me …oh heavens, this turns me on. Yes, I whisper, and my world then explodes into pure bliss!

 

****************

I’m not surprised that our first…three times were fast and passionate. Spirits, we’ve only desired each other for so long that when the opportunity to touch arrived, it was like opening a dam, the water pressure was bursting. The rest of the night, for neither of us wanted to sleep, for it would be a whole week before we could be together again, was spent in each other’s arms, slowly making love. 

I told Tom that he should rest, but he tells me…forget it. Plus, he took the next day off, leave it to my husband to think far enough a head to know I’d exhaust him. “So, how do you feel, Mr. Paris?” I ask him, knowing that if possible I’d be orbiting this planet. 

Tom smiles, “Wonderful! And you, Mr…”

I see him hesitate, for we never discussed this. “Paris. Mr. Chakotay Paris,” I smile. “You should meet my husband,” I tease. “He’s the most beautiful man in the universe,” I say. 

“Really?” Tom says. “Have you been all through out the universe to know this?” he asks. 

I grin, “He’s the most beautiful man all through out ‘my’ universe,” I respond. “And not just on the out side,” I say as I stroke his smooth creamy cheek. “But inside as well. Plus, he’s intelligent, quick witted, and has one hell of a personality.” I’m pleased to see Tom blush, but it’s all true, and he needs to know this. Then I see tears in his eyes and I become concerned, did I say something wrong? “Tom?”

“I love you so much, Cha,” he whispers. 

“And I love you,” I say as I kiss his tears away. Then I look into he eyes; I see his soul and know mine is so intermingled with his that I would die if I ever lost him. “My beautiful, Tom,” I purr as I stroke his cheek again. 

A wave of regret fills me, and since we promised to be honest with each other months ago, I have to tell him. “I only regret keeping you from being able to go home, but…” he stops me with a finger to my lips. 

“I had nothing back in the Alpha quadrant, but a possible prison sentence myself. You’ve become my life, Chakotay. I only regret that it took…this, for us to find one another,” he says. 

I kiss his finger, “Then neither of us have any regrets then, for I wouldn’t trade anything that has occurred, for being here with you is what I want more than life its self. Though I have family back in the Alpha quadrant, you, Tom…you are my life and there is nowhere I want to be but by your side. This I can’t regret, and don’t you. I love you!” After a moment we both see in the other’s eyes that we both have what we want…each other.

Tom and I start to make love again, the eight, ninth time, I lost track, but it’s beautiful. I’m not sure what happened, since we’re way down in the basement of the visitor building, but what ever it was, it had to be big. It felt like an explosion, and it rocked Tom and me out of the bed. Instinctually I scrambled to get Tom and myself under the bed; there was nothing else to use to keep the falling cement off of us. What ever happened, it rocked the place again and again…Spirits!

 

**********

Tired is not the word for how I feel. It’s been almost 2 years since I lost my best friend and First Officer and our best pilot, though it’s felt like twelve if you ask me. I kept my promise to Chakotay, like he knew I would, but it’s been hell. I mean I knew things would be hard, but damn…not this hard!

I don’t think anyone appreciated just how important Chakotay was to this ship, he…he was the heart, as Tom, dear Tom was the spirit. Both men’s loss has taken its toll over the years. I have had more brawls, arguments, and nearly one mutiny! I never had a problem like this in all the five years we were together, Chakotay by my side and Tom at the helm, but the last two? 

I never knew how much Tom’s fiery spirit affected the crew, but Mr. Neelix has made a point to inform me, over and over again over the many months. I’m to the point where I find myself wanting to space my entire crew, but fortunately, Tuvok has enough control for both of us, but even he is feeling the pressure of Chakotay’s loss. 

Talk about suddenly becoming religious, when we found the wormhole, though it wasn’t the discovery of it that was my revelation. It was a disappointment to find a steady wormhole that led light-years behind us…two years, that was the revelation. 

I didn’t say anything right away, for I wanted to be sure of everything first. This crew couldn’t take another disappointment, and really neither could I. I ordered us to hold position while I ran some test, and I’m now sure my idea will work. I’ve called for a senior staff meeting. 

I sit in my chair looking at them, Tuvok, Greg Alaya who’s taken tactical, Betaheart who’s taken chief pilot, and wonder if they’d be okay with what I’m about to propose, since it will affect them most. But I decide to proceed anyway, “I have studied the wormhole, and it’s stable from this side. With some additional readings, I am convinced that we can maintain it to use as an open doorway,” I state. 

The looks of puzzlement annoy me. Didn’t anyone else understand but me? Thank fully Harry suddenly got it. His exclamation of Tom filled the air, and I could see everyone finally got it. “Yes,” I say. “If we stabilize the wormhole, we can go through and go back to the Kallation’s home world and retrieve Lieutenant Paris and Commander Chakotay.” 

“The legendary Tom Paris and Commander Chakotay,” our newest member, Seven of Nine states. They may as well be legendary, not a day has gone by with one or the others name being spoken in reverence. 

“He was sentenced to three years,” B’Elanna states. 

I want to smack her. It’s bad enough I had to reduce her in rank due to her poor attitude, but this really gets my goat. But I take a note from my former first officer and just breath. “Three years with early release for good behavior. I’m ‘sure’ that has been the case. And even if not, I have no intentions of leaving without them this time,” I state, daring anyone to challenge me over this…I really could use the spacing practice. 

The looks of hope and approval fill my soul as well as the room. I set everyone to their task. By this time tomorrow, we’ll be back over the Kallation’s world, and I hope have our two missing lambs…home where they belong. 

**********

My heart constricts as I hear soft gasps from some of the bridge crew. The Kallation’s planet is almost grey with destruction…what the hell happened! “Any life signs?” I snap, praying to every force in the universe. 

When Harry say’s yes, I take a breath, noting I was holding it. Then comes the next part, “Any human life signs?” Since we were not planning to come back, neither Tom or Chakotay had com badges, but they are the only two humans around…please let them be around. 

After a few minutes I swivel in my seat to see Harry is sweating, “what?” I ask. 

“Captain,” he states in a hesitant voice. “I’m still searching, but most life signs are underground, and…” he swallows hard. “It was the Borg.” 

I know I pale at the sound of that name, and know so does everyone else. It’s Tuvok that breaks the tension by stating that it is unlike them to leave anything alive behind. I’m not sure if I want to hit him, or not. I know Harry wouldn’t say it unless he was sure, but the fact that there was life, meant…Gods, please! 

“I can’t explain it, Commander,” Harry states, but there’s Borg signatures all over the planet. But there is life, and no current sign of the Borg.”

“Like they came it fast and dirty,” I say to myself, not sure what to make of it. I know we’d all rather Tom and Chakotay dead then…I can’t let myself even think about it. 

“That would not be far from accurate,” Seven states. “With the situation with species 87642, the collective may have been down drones and was called away before full assimilation could transpire.” 

Since we know how that mess worked out, things make a bit more sense, but…

The minutes drag even more, and I see Harry straining, but when the corner of his lips begin to turn up everyone feels it. “Yes!” he shouts, and I congratulate him before he can apologize for his outburst, he’s only expressing what I know we all feel. 

“Care to join me, Ensign?” I ask him as I get up. “Mr. Tuvok, you have the con until we bring our wayward children home,” I smile; though inside I’m concerned for them. It couldn’t have been easy. 

Harry, B’Elanna and I beam down to the coordinates that lead to the underground passage where Harry picked up the two human life signs. The place is located where the prison use to stand, now a pile of rubble. We see that the devastation was not as complete as the Borg usually is, for this I can’t help be grateful for. 

There are areas that have been cultivated and plants are growing, under heavy guard. We are met with a bit of hostility, but I assure them that we mean no harm, that were only here to look for two human, thinking this should ease thing, I’m wrong. They get very upset. 

For a moment I think we may have to fight them, but a familiar voice calls them off. I look and see a lanky tall man, long blond hair, tired back, with a goatee walking toward us. The eyes…it’s Tom! Damn, even scruffy, he looks good. 

“Tom!” Harry yells, and before we know it he’s hugging his best friend once again. 

Tom hugs Harry back and then looks at us, his eyes tired, but no where as miserable as I would have thought. “What the hell are you doing here?” he asks, amazed to see us. 

“We found a stable wormhole that would let us come back and get you guys and not lose any ground,” Harry states excitedly. 

Tom’s eyes looked warmed, “You came back.” he whispers. It seems for a moment he may cry, but he pulls himself together, and hugs B’Elanna, even me. “I know Cha will be thrilled to see you all,” he says. “But as for leaving? Well,” he hesitates. 

“You can’t possibly want to stay?” Harry says for me. 

Tom looks at us seriously, “We thought this was going to be our home, for life. When the Borg came, and heaven only knows why they left so sudden, it’s been a daily struggle to survive,” he says. Then he looks at me, pride shining in his eyes, “Cha has performed miracles, pulling survivors together, forming communities, food resources…damn if he doesn’t run the place,” he smiles. Then he gets serious, “People depend on him,” he says as he starts to lead us down the passage that will take us below. 

I’m not sure what surprises me more, the fact the we’ve been led into an underground city that is actually thriving or the way Tom walks up to Chakotay, who’s hair is also long, some grey, and tied back, and kisses him square on the lips. It’s then that I suddenly become aware that Tom is wearing a wedding ring, and after a close look, so is Chakotay. Damn, things ‘have’ changed. 

***************

Why the Borg came and left so quickly is a mystery, but I really can’t complain, for Tom and I are still here, and human. Though life has been a nightmarish struggle, I couldn’t pray for anything more than a healthy, happy Tom by my side. Of course we’ve had our ups and downs, for harsh decisions needed to be made, and Tom…well he may be a rebel at heart, but he’s also the biggest softy I know. So it fell to me, I’ve done it before, and so I did it again, I took charge of a rag tag group and made something out of them. 

Before I knew it, that group was growing, too large, so I had to make another decision, to break them up and send them out to start colonies. Tom wasn’t happy about this, but I explained, with food being so minimal, if I didn’t do this, there would be worse fights then there was and then people would start to starve. I didn’t send them out with nothing. I scouted ahead, and found places were the soil would grow food, and gave them food to start off with and seeds. Every week for months, it felt like I was giving farming lessons. I can’t help but wonder what my Father would think, the boy who craved modern technology is the savior of a world that embraced it and now is lost without it. Me…native boy of Dorvan V held a vital key.

Tom of course, held another. We make a great team. Where I have to play hardball, Tom keeps people together by running interference, much like what I did when I was First Officer for Janeway. Though I know Tom misses flying, he’s thrived at helping so many people, and if you ask me, he’s just as skilled at that as he is at flying. Together we’ve helped rebuilt a sense of society in just over a year. My biggest fear, next to losing my life (Tom) is that the damn Borg will come back to finish the job. 

I never expected what just happened. Tom walks up to me, kisses me…that’s wonderfully normal, but then smiles and points behind him. I turn and see them…they’re back. Voyager is back, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Tom and I have worked so hard to build a home here, never thinking about the possibility of going back, that seeing them again, though good, is…strangely…unwelcome. 

“Kathryn?” I say softly, still not believing she’s here. She’s cut her hair, hate to admit it, but it looks terrible, but I smile anyway, for seeing her is good. I move and hug her tightly, and feel her hug me just as tight. 

“I can’t believe your still wearing that stupid jumpsuit,” she says with tears in her eyes and a laugh on her lips. 

“Me neither,” I replied. “But there was a large number of them in the storage facilities under the prison, and its cloths,” I say. Of course, it no longer has the same stigma of prison, for just about everyone has at least one in this city. Plus, they’re practical, and we need as much basic as possible. 

“What…how?” I find myself stuttering. 

She then tells me about the wormhole. I decide it best to take the group to the area Tom and I have called home for the past fourteen months since that fateful night. Strangely, it’s the same room, for it like other visitor rooms were far enough underground that it survived the initial blast and we were so out of the main stream that the Borg just never got to us. They concentrated on heavily populated areas, then suddenly as they arrived, left. 

Talk about timing, I just get them inside when she mentions about us coming home. I want to say I just walked into my home, but…I knew what she meant, and I’m not so sure that’s what I want, but I’ll have to talk with Tom. His happiness means everything, and as poorly as it may sound, yes even over everyone else in this world. Tom is my life, without him, I’m nothing. 

I offer them all a seat and Tom moves in and plays good host. We don’t have much, for we have just as much as everyone else, for I may run things, but I don’t think I’m any better than anyone else, nor should I. Sure I may take a few liberties here and there, but I’m only human and I know I give back a thousand percent compared to what little I may take. 

I move close to Tom, to get a sense of how he feels about all this, but his mask is up, which either means he’s unhappy about it as me, or he’s thrilled and doesn’t want to place me in bad light. I hand out the drinks to everyone and ask what’s been going on. It makes for a good distraction from the initial subject of our returning to Voyager, until I can talk with Tom. 

I listen to all the changes, and I have to admit, I’m disappointed to hear that things have been so bad, and not because of outsiders, but the crew itself. I can see the slight desperation in Kathryn’s eyes, but even that doesn’t compare to the hundreds that depend on me to help them survive. Spirits, I need to talk with Tom. 

I let Tom take Harry and B’Elanna, sheesh an ensign…we’re going to have to talk about that, on a tour of our city. I take Kathryn. She tells me about Seven of Nine, interesting, but I’m more relieved to know that the damn Borg won’t be back or bothering anyone for awhile. Then she asks me about Tom and me. I tell her the whole wonderful story, she smiles, she was always a sucker for a true romantic tale, and I do think ours applies. 

Then she hits me square, “How soon do you think you and Tom will be ready to come back?” She doesn’t even see it as an option that I may not want to go back. 

I counter by telling her of life here. From digging our way out of being buried in the basement, to hiding again once we discovered it was the Borg. Then when they left, it was every man for themselves attitude for awhile. The main prison area was taken up, but left the storage areas, so there was food, clothing, and weapons. Tom and I made use of them, and after pushing out dozens, for they tired to come in with force, I made the decision that order was needed. 

I made deals with those that had the intelligence to talk first and not demand stuff. If they agreed to follow orders and become part of a community, they were welcomed. The first four months, I thought Tom was going to divorce me, for I had to be a real bastard! I had too. There was too much chaos and these people only responded to a firm hand and fear. But as soon as things started to resemble some sense of order, I could relax and win back Tom’s heart. Though he told me I could never lose it, I wasn’t so sure for a while. 

Then I told her of how I planned out the communities, how they worked together to aid in the overall prosperity of the people. It was no longer an ‘I’ mentality, but a ‘we’. Since food was getting scarce, we put our heads together and found a way to accelerate the natural growth process, naturally. This was the real life savior of us all, and it was all thanks to Tom, but he’s to modest to take the credit. 

The only side effect we have been able to see is body hair. It grows at twice the speed. I also found I love Tom’s long hair, and he mine. So we agreed not to cut it. Then Tom decided he wanted that goatee. I didn’t like it at first, but Tom’s been working very hard to pursue me otherwise. I started liking it months ago, but I’m not going to tell him that… until he asks. As promised, no secrets between us, but his efforts are wonderful. But I don’t mention any of this to Kathryn, just the food part. 

She tells me how impressed she is, and I know it’s sincere, but…she still only sees me coming back. I have to talk with Tom. 

 

*************

It’s good to have Harry and B’Elanna around again! I have missed them so, but…I’ve changed and so have they. They asked me about life here and I tell them it’s been hard. But when I say I’m still very happy, they gawk at me. It was then B’Elanna that speaks up first. 

“It has to do with you and the Commander doesn’t it?” she asks. 

I mean how could they miss the kiss I gave him, I think. “Yeah. Though life has presented us our share of hardship, I still wouldn’t trade one personal day of our fourteen months of marriage,” I state proudly. 

Its Harry’s expression that makes me laugh. He looks at me like I grew another head. “You’re married? To the Commander?” he asks. 

I tell him yes, and show off my wedding ring. It looks like someone took a gold rope and a silver one and braided them together. Cha’s looks the same, and it fits us, two different type of people made one. I then tell them about how things led up to me asking him to marry me, and Harry’s look of disbelief is priceless. 

B’Elanna congratulates me, and then states that the crew will have a field day with this when we get back. Though I would love to fly again, I like Cha, have put my heart and soul in this place. We’ve rebuilt not only buildings, but spirits, hope…a future. There is only one thing that that keeps me considering returning, besides flying…medical technology. I know that if we returned we, me and Cha could have a family…our family. Though in a way we have cities full of family, it’s not the same. 

He’s mentioned adopting, not that there would be any paperwork involved, but we’re so busy here, we know we don’t have time for a child. But I see it in his eyes, he wants one, and though I’m weary of what kind of parent I’d be, I want one too, I want Chakotay’s. But I have to talk with him first. I’m sure he’ll want to stay, he’d sacrifice everything for these people, and that’s one of the many reasons I love him. But, if he’s taught me anything, sometimes one has to play the bad guy to achieve the best results for everyone. If I insist on going, I know he’ll do it, and then we can have our family, but…I know he’ll feel guilty too. Spirits! 

Yes, Cha has me walking and talking with the Spirits too! It’s wonderful. My guide is a hawk, and she is so cool, wise, and can match me word for word when I get too cocky. She’s great. Ah, I have to talk with Cha!

 

****************

 

“Tom as much as Voyage may want me back, this place needs me,” I say to Tom. I know I’m going to try to be open about this, but it is how I feel. Perhaps it is some deep seeded power thing, for technically I am in charge over all the colonies, but I do believe they need me here. 

I listen to Tom, who feels a lot of what I do, but he then makes a good point, his flying and a chance of a family…between us. Voyager has that technology and facilities this place can no longer hold. But as much as I want Tom’s children I…I know this is the reason I was meant to be here. 

I was given the blessing of Tom in my life, as my life, I can’t run out now when life calls in that debt. Its not who I am. Don’t get me wrong, I do feel for Kathryn, and the crew; they were my family long before this place, but I’ve come to be a man of duty, and duty calls me here. I just hope Tom will agree; though if he really insists…I’ll give in. I just hope he won’t insist, too much. 

 

***************

I knew it! I knew Chakotay would want to stay because he feels obligated to stay, just like I know how he wants a family. But the two options are not possible, for this planet is now too far gone to maintain such a medical facility…probably. 

I know Cha is going to try and sweet talk the Captain for some aid, and I can’t see the Prime Directive being a stumbling block. Hell, if it weren’t for Cha, a lot of these people would be dead now, so whatever interference we would do, we’ve done. 

I’ve got to talk with the EMH. See if I can make Chakotay’s wish come true. I vowed that I would not let him regret being here with me, and I honestly believe he doesn’t…being with me anyway. For the Borg things sucked! And life has been a constant struggle, and for a while for us too.  
In the beginning, Cha was worse then his Maquis days, and at first I didn’t understand why. It took time and a lot of patience on my part to not drag him off and whack him one. But, he did explain to me his reasons, they just didn’t come clear right away, but when they did…he was right. Like usual, he did what needed to be done. Damn that man is amazing!

He’s sacrificed so much for me, this world…he deserves what he wants…a family!

 

**************

Damn the Bitch! I love the Captain like an aunt, but this is damn unfair! I know she’s desperate to get Cha back, and for some reason, besides me being married to the big guy, me too; but this is wrong! She’ll only give limited supplies and technology, since Cha is capable of keeping the people going so well. 

I’m not stupid! What she really saying is if you want the people to have more, than you have to come with me, but I don’t want to look like the BITCH I really am! What really gets me is that without the extra supplies and medical technology, I won’t be able to maintain having Cha’s children!

Yes, I decided I would carry them, since Cha is so much busier than me, and lets face it, I am a bit younger than he is, and not insecure of my masculinity. Not meaning Cha is, just he’s such the man’s man, if you know what I mean. 

I tried to find some maneuvering room, manipulate the situation, but the only real thing we have that the Captain wants is us and Cha is not going for that…yet. I’m not exactly keen on the idea of pushing Cha back on to Voyager, but…I know he’ll regret not having a family. I just know he will, and I promised that would never happen. I promised! Sadly I already know how I’m going to go about doing it, so it seems like his decision. I feel guilty about this…but he’s worth it. After helping install the new power source, I’m going to see the EMH and put my plan into action! I hate being manipulative, but I'm sure I can sweet talk Cha's forgiveness. 

 

******************

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Spirits, I swear I did everything you wanted from me…why! Voyager returning was to be a blessing, not this! Oh, Gods, please, not this! No you can’t take my Tom from me…PLEASE…NO!

 

**************

The sedative has worn off and I lay here on a familiar biobed staring at the ceiling, trying to grasp things, but I don’t want too. Tom was helping B’Elanna install a power generator, a simple task…simple. What went wrong? How did it blow up? With all my love of B’Elanna, why…why did it have to be Tom? Tom’s gone….gone.

I hear the Captain and the Doc talking to me, but I just don’t want to respond, I don’t want this to be real…it can’t be real! I feel like my soul has been ripped from my body…that’s when I know it ‘is’ real…my life is gone…really gone!

In what’s left of my heart I pray that life will take me…now! I don’t want to exist anymore without him…I can’t! I don’t even want to try! But I can feel the Spirit world rejecting me, at least for the moment, for I know there are a few things here that need finishing…then Tom and I will be together…forever!

I suddenly look at the two people around me, doing my best to keep control. The knowledge that I won’t be parted from Tom long helps me to find some strength and I sit up. I nod a bit as Kathryn gives her sincere attempts of comfort. Then she asks me if I want her to come back to discuss Tom’s funeral…Spirits! 

I don’t know what Tom may have wanted, so I go with my people’s custom, knowing that Tom won’t be too upset, for he did start to adopt those ways. Plus, I can apologize to him once I get there if he is. Tom and I are destined…I know this!

 

****************

The funeral was held down on the planet. After I said the parting words, Tom’s body was cremated to release his soul from his body, as is the way of my people. Most of his remains will be buried to mix with the mother’s essence and some I will carry in a tiny bag around my neck, just like my Grandmother did for Grandfather after his passing. So when my time comes, our essences will again be mingled. 

With this done I see to it that all things are tied up as best I can. Kathryn has been wonderful about this. She’s given the people so much that I know they will be able to carry on with out me now. For even if they don’t know it…I’m already gone. I left in the same smoke that took my life’s (Tom) soul away. Soon I tell myself.

An hour after Kathryn has given word that Voyager will be leaving soon, I get a call from the Doc. I’ve just arrived and he looks…apprehensive. He hands me a PADD, telling me that Tom did survive long enough to write a letter for me. For when the generator blew, it collapsed part of the city, and I was stuck there for a while…I wasn’t able to say goodbye. 

I take the PADD as Kathryn walks in to see what I’m doing here. I take the PADD and move to sit at the Doc’s desk and sit down. I turn it on and start reading it, and then I start to cry. Kathryn comes to place a comforting hand on my shoulder. She tells me she hates to leave me when she knows how bad I’m hurting, but the wormhole won’t stay open forever. 

“That’s all right, Kathryn,” I say softly. “I’m staying…if you’ll have me?” I say. 

She looks at me surprised, but pleased, and tells me that I would be very welcomed. I nod and ask to be alone. I read the letter again. 

 

***************

My dearest Chakotay, 

If you're reading this, then I lost this one. I know you would be here if you could…I have no doubts, never did when it came to you. I want you to know how much I love you and how happy you made me, and happy is definitely what you made me, love. 

You have been everything to me! I don’t think I ever told you before, but I knew I loved you, without anymore doubts, that crazy day when you got sentenced in my place. It was then I decided I was going to stay, for if you were going to give your life for mine, it was the very lest I could do. Then you go doing it again by marrying me…giving your life, this time to me. 

I made a vow that you would never regret your decision on my behalf, and being with me. I’m not sure, but I hope I kept that promise. I know I don’t have any regrets. You were worth every ache, every pain, every tear, for I was rewarded a million times over with your every laugh, every smile, and all your love. I wouldn’t trade a thing if it meant never to have been with you. You gave me the greatest gift of all…your love. 

I know I’m dying, Cha. So I’ve asked the Doc to take some of my DNA and keep it on storage for you. Why? Why else? I don’t want you to regret not having that family we talked about, so, if you want it, it’s there for you. If you decide not too, I’ll understand, but if you do, know that I’ll be with you in spirit all the way. I know you would make a great father/mother. I just want to give you that option. I am only sorry that this is the last gift of love I can offer you. 

Forever my love.

Forever!  
Tom

“Ah, read it again, Father of mine,” Thomasina cries in her dramatic tone. 

I look up from the PADD and smirk. “You’re such a little drama queen,” I tease. “But I believe it is bed time. Besides, it’s not like I haven’t read this several hundred times before,” I say warmly. 

“Read it again, Daddy,” Tom says softly. 

I look down at my children, and thank genetic coding, for this way they all look like Tom, with a caramel complexion, instead of me as nature would have done. I scruff Tom’s blond hair, “Another night,” I say. “Now, all children under the age of seven have to go to bed.”

“That means you have to go to bed too, Sina” Gene teases his older sister. 

All the children are as bright as I know Tom would have been at their age. Thomasina Kathryn Paris is the oldest, just about to turn six, followed by Tom Eugene Paris jr., who is five. Gene Thomas Paris is four, and of course little Jean Marie, after my mother, Paris is almost two. “As it does for you too, Gene. Now off to bed and I’ll be in to tuck you in, in a few minutes. Uncle Neelix will be here while I’m on the bridge, now off with you,” I smile as I see them scurry off, and Tom, so like his father takes Jean by the hand to look after her. 

I look at the PADD on my lap as my left hand, still bearing my wedding ring, gently touches the tiny bag I still wear around my neck. Then I move it down to my abdomen in time to feel a kick, “Far from your last gift my love.”

The End


End file.
